Confession Time

As you may have noticed if you are on my personal Facebook page or you are following us on the blog page, you might have noticed my absence this past week, not just on the blog but on social networking entirely.  I even turned my phone off for several days and retreated within myself.  It was actually a pretty hard week for me, but not for the usual reasons in a woman my age.  I’m 29 years old, for the very first time, and next year I will be turning 30, not 29 again.  I’ve never been one for shorting myself of years because, by the Gods, I have earned every year like a gold star.  It’s not my age that is a problem for me, so my birthday is not a cause for eating chocolate and drink wine while listening to mopey music.  Though the eating chocolate and drinking wine and listening to music thing sounds like something I’ve done before, quite often, just for the joy of it. Continue reading

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A new job, a new chance

So, yesterday I started a new job. Okay, it isn’t really new, just newly made a job.  I’ll be keeping my friends’ two fabulous kids on a full-time basis while their moms work.  The new part, other than the near daily hours, is that it’ll pay.  Truth to tell, I’d keep these two kids without pay – I love them as much as I love their moms and count myself lucky to be among the people allowed to be their family.  But the extra $300 a month will go a LONG way to getting our bills paid off.  We should be able to pay the scooter off as early as Feb!  Can you even fathom?  I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around it, and I’ve been busting ass to figure out how to get it paid off as soon as possible anyway. Continue reading

My struggle to seek joy

I don’t know why, but this time of year has been hard for me in the last few years.  You’d think I’d be more prone to depression during winter – and in Chicago it was indeed harder to pull myself out of the dumps during winter.  But it was down in the dumps in Chicago, not depression.  I guess it’s because every year I’m reminded that yet another year has passed without so many things that I thought would be our lives by now.  No children, still living in central Alabama, still living in an apartment.  I start dreaming – where we will move next, what our children will look like and how we will raise them, how much it would cost to convert a small passenger bus into a mobile home.  Have I ever mentioned that my brain sometimes won’t stop running?  Usually at around 100 mph. Continue reading

Crossroads – joy, sorrow, spirituality, and scooters

Here lately, I’ve felt like I was in flux.  I spend a lot of my time focusing on “one day” – not just in a daydream sort of way, but because it’s my responsibility to plan for one day in our family of two.  Though there is and likely always will be a small measure of daydreaming to that.  Dreaming of our perfect home – ridiculous amounts of land, a small homestead, pets and livestock.  And children.  And I’m stuck on children again right now because of the birth of my newest niece – my baby brother’s first child.  I can’t even begin to explain what it’s like knowing that precious little miracle has entered the world.  Nor can I put into words how much I’m looking forward to the first time I get to hold her, touch her precious face.  July!!  Can’t come soon enough.  Continue reading

I owe you an update!

So, now that it’s almost a month later, it’s about time I updated you on our trip to Mississippi!  We took the usually 4 hour trip to my hometown last month on the scooter.  And it was a long. freaking. trip.  And once we hit Mississippi, it was freaking HOT.  But then again, it was only October in Mississippi.  We were exhausted after 7 hours on the road.  But we learned that it isn’t too bad on the interstate on the scooter.  Okay, sometimes it was, but not for the most part.  But it’s definitely not four wheels. Continue reading

Our family’s big news

So, as this has started off as one of the least appealing birthdays I’ve had in a while (had to have my Joshwa to work at 6:30 am and the best friend is working ALL day), I think now is the perfect time to tell you about a bright spot.  This past March, my brother married a lovely woman and acquired two step-sons.  The oldest is 16, so I’m not sure how their relationship is developing (what can I say, my brother lives more than 8 hours away, we don’t get to spend a lot of time together), but I can tell you without a doubt that my brother is as crazy about his younger stepson, and the feeling appears to be mutual. Continue reading

Day 6!

Today is day 6 and it’s easier than it was last time. I haven’t had a single cigarette – though there were a couple of times when we were helping Becca Thursday night and Friday that I really wanted one.  But I haven’t been irritable, I haven’t been jumping out of my skin, none of the things that made quitting last time so stressful. Continue reading

Getting back to basics

So, I know, dear readers, you’ve probably decided I’m never coming back.  And for that I am sorry.  But a realization occurred to me the other day.  I started this blog because I was striving to live a better, healthier life.  I was trying to be a better person – not better than anyone else, but better than I had been before.  And I fell into a hole.  I started smoking again.  And I felt guilty. Continue reading