She was finally able to shut down. Her work was done for the night. She glanced at the clock and sighed. No use wincing at midnight anymore, she saw it all too often. The only problem was he came to her if she was not careful. No, she couldn’t let herself think that way. If she thought of him, he would come, and she wouldn’t find rest until nearly sunrise. Then she would sleep when she should be awake. She walked to her room, loosing clothes as she went. Oh, it would be so nice to stretch out to sleep rather than sitting up in that uncomfortable chair. But it was necessary. She sat at the big bulky PC every night, writing paragraphs and responses for a credit in a class that she didn’t want to take anyway. When she reached her room, she unconsciously grabbed the slim laptop from the dresser where she had put it when she got home from work. She sat it on the floor next to her bed. He was coming, but she didn’t know. She curved into sleep, wrapped around a body pillow like a lover. Even though it was completely dark and silent but for the things that are never silent in the night, she lay awake, unable to sleep. She was exhausted, her eyes slipping shut only to fly open again for no good reason. Oh, yes, he was coming, but she couldn’t let him. She had to fight it. She could feel her heart pounding behind her eyes. He was coming and there was no way to stop him. Finally, throwing herself away from the pillow, she reached and pulled. Slowly, her fingers began to play over him, almost timidly. Then, in an indiscernible moment, they sped up, no longer able to abide by the pace she set. It was like they had a mind of their own. They wouldn’t be content to be idle at such a time.
“Dimitri.” Oh! Had she said that out loud? What did it matter? There was no one else around. Her heart began to pound more quickly. Even though she knew she shouldn’t, she continued, excitement slowly making her forget what she wasn’t supposed to be doing. Oh, she’d remember later, especially when the lack of sleep caught up with her, and she’d be angry for allowing herself to do it again. But for now, there was only the pleasure. The feeling was one she knew well. She could have closed her eyes, and still, perfection. She knew what she would see when she opened them again, so confident was she. Her fingers moved faster and there was the sound of air whooshing. The heat was unreal in her lap. She knew she shouldn’t, she should be asleep, preparing for the day ahead. But no, she was with Dimitri. It went on for hours, but felt like seconds, then it would turn around, and seconds would pass at the speed of hours. It was glorious, this feeling of freedom, this ache within her fulfilled. She couldn’t have described it, even though she had a way with words. She didn’t have to describe it because it was only for her. Her and Dimitri. She was glowing from it, her heart swelling. Still, she knew the end was near and she faced it with both excited relief and tormented sadness. When it finally came, she sat a moment staring. She knew that this would be the last time with Dimitri for a while, she could feel it. But she needed time, and they had nothing but what had just passed between them. Slowly, painfully so, she reached out again, put it away. She touched the top of the laptop, tracing with her fingers what she couldn’t see in the darkness, tracing what was etched in the top. Dimitri.