Here lately there have been so many things that have gotten my blood boiling. The things that I feel passionately about, burn like a fire in my chest. They have the ability to bring tears to my eyes – tears of joy or tears of impotent rage, and they have the ability to buoy my spirit or drop it low. I can’t help this. I can’t shut it off or turn it down. Trust me, I’ve tried. And here lately, I’ve gone both ways. There have been so many victories for the LGBTQI community (I really hope that I got all the letters in there, because I support every single member of the community, every single person that identifies with the community) and I have been jubilant. But if you’ve been following the Hobby Lobby case in the Supreme Court, you’ve read about their ruling in favor of a major corporation having religion – truly not surprising since corporations have already won personhood. But the decision to allow employers the right to determine the kind of care their employees receive from their health insurance is both horrifying and deeply saddening for the future fight before us.
And these are the things you’ve likely seen from me lately – especially if you are on my personal page. But other than quickly jumping on for a little while – or on Second Life, I can’t lie – I’ve been spending my time quite differently. Because I finally had to disconnect from the drama. It’s something that still affects me, something I don’t plan on letting go – because I can’t let go of a passion of my heart. But I had to unplug from the circus. Why? Because joy.
It’s been hot as all hades around here – and around where you are, if you live in the US, I’d imagine. So I’ve been spending lots of time “cooped up” in my house. Which drives me a little batty most of the time. But this time? Not so much. Why? Because I have two of the best people around for company most days. I thrive on the time I get to spend with B and V and I can’t tell you how thankful I am to spend my time with them while their moms are at work. And to get paid to do it? Talk about a dream job. And let me tell you something, it’s hard to be anything but joyful with these two. They embrace life with a(n occasionally maddening) verve that draws you in to every moment and swallows you whole. When I’m struggling with the news that keeps coming out about the possibilities in our future – both bright and bleak – the pull me away from being hooked up to the mainstream like an addict and remind me of the small wonders of learning. And they get so excited about each new thing they learn and about showing off the things they know how to do. (V loves to count for me and is actually doing better than her year older brother, B)
They were my island in a sea of madness. And it was just last night that I realize I feel as if I haven’t had any time with my Joshimus Rex lately. We’ve had the kids quite a lot – which is awesome because we both love our time with the kids – and Sir Joshimus is still getting into the swing of things in his new position. So here lately, we’ve just sort of…floated. I looked at him yesterday, and it struck me how much I missed him. He’s not just my husband, he’s my best friend. So I told him I missed him. And we had some awesome cuddles as we climbed into bed, talking in the darkness and laughing like idiots. It was awesome.
We also got some much-needed rain last night. Like, crazy stormy awesomeness. If only it was a little cooler we could have opened the windows and listened to the rain fall. Even with the windows closed, I could quietly hear the rain drumming on our front porch (metal roofs are awesome). And it cooled things off ridiculously. Yesterday the high was over 94. Last night and this morning the temp was in the 60s. And we discovered this morning that Joshimus had today off – since he’ll be starting another week of overnights on Sunday – so we had the day together. We slept in (until 11, y’all!) and then got up and got our laundry started and went to have lunch. After lunch, we took a short ride, because, seriously, other than going into town the other day, I haven’t actually gone riding in weeks. Even though the temps had climbed back into the 80s, the wind was blowing cool enough that it felt like spring again. So on the bike it felt fabulous. Absolutely. Since we had the kiddos coming today, we kept it a short ride and I completely forgot my camera, so no pics or videos for you guys (keep your fingers crossed, maybe this weekend, lol). But it was something I really needed. Some time with the awesome man who I’m spending my life with, some time to feel the freedom and joy that I’ve found on two wheels.
And then after the kids got here, we started making some chicken salad and went outside to let the kids run wild and burn some paper we needed to get rid of (personal information that we have no other way of getting rid of). We sat outside and my hubby love got to live one of his passions – that would be fire. He’s such a man (I say as I grin goofily)…or would that be boy. Do men ever completely grow out of boyhood? Now that I think about it, there are plenty of my childhood things I haven’t outgrown…and fire might be one of them. 😛
So these last few days, despite everything, I’ve been reveling in joy. The joy of the two children that are a part of our lives because of their moms and our friends (thank you, ladies, for letting us be part of their lives!!) and the joy of my ever-expanding, evolving, and yet comfortably same relationship with my husband. We’ve been together for nearly nine years, married for six, and it feels like he’s always been part of me, and yet, I feel like those first magical weeks and months of our relationship when everything was exciting and new. There are still things I worry about, things I am passionate about, and things that will, at some points bring me down. But with the wonderful things in my life, how can I stay down for long?