I really hate being in pictures.  One, obviously, is because I’m a large woman who doesn’t like seeing how large I actually am.  But mostly it’s because I like taking pictures where I feel beautiful…but most of my pictures come out looking goofy.  Because, here’s my secret….I am goofy.  I am a ginormous goofball.  Which is awesome, because so is my hubby.  So it works for us.

But I’m vain enough that I want my pictures to show me as beautiful.  I’ve got a decent set of features, especially when photographed from the right angle and in the right light.  And I’ve had some fabulous pictures taken of me, in those moments that I’ve managed to keep my face in a pleasant expression rather than…well…..^that^.  Because while the one above is still a good picture, there have been plenty more where I’m making these ridiculous faces that looks bad.  I mean bad.

And wouldn’t we all rather look beautiful?  Like someone other people look at and say “oh, she’s beautiful.”  It’s something I struggle with – I’ve spoken before about my body image issues, and they are deep-seated and affect every day of my life, even when I don’t notice.  And the place where I have the most problems is when choosing my profile picture on social media.  This is the image that everyone will be able to see – and judge; all my friends, all their friends, all the people who come across my page, even if they can’t see any of my posts.

I want to be beautiful, even to strangers.  But I don’t choose the most beautiful pictures every time.  I choose the goofy pictures.  Why?  Because when I see them, especially when it’s a picture of Sir Joshimus and I being goofy, I smile.  Because that’s who we are.  Those pictures are a real glimpse into our lives, into us.  I might not always like the way I look in pictures, but I remember the laughter that happened when those pictures were taken.  I remember the joy that happened in that moment, that was happening around that moment.  And how could I do anything but love those glimpses of joy?

My sister told me the other day that my posting about joy helped her – and that’s part of what I’m doing with my blog right now.  I share my joy – and my struggles to find joy – to help you, if I can.  And the same goes for the pictures I share. So I’ll continue to choose the funny images, the ones that maybe don’t look the best, but make me smile or laugh when I see them again.  And maybe they’ll make you smile and laugh, as well.