So, to start – I’ve made it three weeks without a cigarette! I’m so proud of myself! And I have let myself be in tough situations where I knew that the only person that would stop me from smoking is ME. And I made it. I had a moment where I almost slipped, where I almost asked for one. I walked over to Becca’s house and I was feeling good, even a little proud of myself, and the words almost fell out of my mouth before I caught myself. It was a celebration, after all, and I was on my period to boot. Addiction is a tricky thing. And I don’t think enough people appreciate that nicotine addiction is a real addiction – especially those who are addicts. For some people, smoking is a social ritual, for others, it’s more passive. And they are the ones that when they quit, they become those cessation advocates – you know the ones I’m talking about. The holier-than-thou, I-did-it-so-if-you-can’t-you-are flawed-or-lazy types. (by the way, do you know how hard it is to write that out with hyphens instead of spaces?! note to self, find another way to write that kind of thing in the future)
I’ve known several people who fall into that category – some of which were very good friends of mine until they quit smoking. Yes, I get it. Your life REALLY IS better when you quit smoking, your health REALLY IS better overall. But let me make one thing very clear to those of you who have never struggled with addiction – and even some of you who feel superior by comparing different addictions – addiction is addiction and quitting your addiction is a monumental struggle. Addiction is insidious because it whispers sweetly in your ear if you make it beyond that initial withdrawal, like that isn’t hard enough. No, nicotine withdrawal isn’t as severe as some withdrawals, particularly harder drugs. But if you think it’s a walk in the park then you’ve never experienced the irrational anger, pounding headaches, restlessness/increase in insomnia (which is one of the hardest symptoms for me), or anxiety that can come from nicotine withdrawal. I’ve experienced them all to some extent or another over the years of trying to quit.
So do me, and possibly your friends and loved ones, a favor. If someone is struggling to quit, be supportive. Even if they bite your head off from time to time. And if they fail, don’t be condescending and don’t pity them. Support them, uplift them, and let them know that the next time they’re ready to try, you’re there for them. And be there.
Today is week three for me and I have reached the point I’m familiar with from my last successful attempt, four years ago. My lungs are starting to work properly again, so there is constantly yuck being moved out of my lungs. I sound like I’m dying. Sir Joshimus called me earlier and I had a cough and he was seriously concerned. I’m hoping that this time it clears up more quickly than last time since we’re looking at only two years worth of damage rather than fifteen. I am already feeling better – and just in time for spring…unless it changes its mind to become winter again, of course.
Now, for that prayer request. As some of y’all know, my husband works for the devil…I mean Wal-Mart. And, unfortunately, no one else seems to be hiring, at least not for anything that would be worth it for our family or my husband’s happiness. But he’s been stuck as a CSM for three years and it’s getting to the point that he is miserable in his position. He’s applied for other positions, even at other stores, but nothing has come through for him. But a new position has been posted at his store as a department manager. It’s a lateral move, but it would put him in a different department to learn a different part of the store, would guarantee him 40 hours a week, and it would give him a set schedule during the day, like a normal person. So, please please please pray for my love that he gets this new position! It’s something he wants and it’s something that would really help. My insomnia has gotten better over the last year or so, and I would love the opportunity to see if I can get on a schedule where we’re awake during the day rather than at night. And if we can, maybe when I do have episodes, I can get over them more easily and back on track.
But mostly it’s for Sir Joshimus. I hate seeing him unhappy. That man is my biggest inspiration for looking for the good in every situation we find ourselves in – he can find a reason to smile in everything. And his job is making him unhappy. So please, whomever you pray to, say a prayer for Joshimus Rex. And I’ll keep you posted.
That’s all for today, lovies. Take care of yourselves, and if you need prayers, please let me know! I’m happy to say a prayer for you and share it with whomever will see this and take the time to say one for you, too. And, as always…