Lately I’ve been doing better with the blog and talking about spirituality. But here I have this day that I set aside to post about spirituality and I haven’t posted anything in months. And honestly, I’ve only just recently started posting more, sharing more. Most of that has been my YouTube videos, which are giving me great joy not only to film, but then to cut together for y’all. There are three of them so far and I’m just waiting for Tuesday to get more footage for the next one! The best part is that each of those rides reconnects me with not only my Gods, but with the spirits of nature and, most importantly, with my husband. And the time I take to turn the footage I film into something for you guys to watch, not only gives me the joy of those rides back, it’s also a labor of love.
And that is the point where spirituality goes beyond the feeling of being connected, goes beyond the internal part of spirituality. Here lately, I haven’t been doing much to connect with my community at large. I find myself in a place where my path has diverged from the path of the Pagan community at large and I find myself in a physical place where it seems most Pagans are much younger than I am. And there’s nothing wrong with either of those things! But it has made me more uncomfortable about reaching out to the community in this area. So I have done no service in to my community – and that actually weighs pretty heavily on me. I’ve been called for some time to service for my Gods, not just a relationship with them, but a relationship with those around me to aid them. I’ve done my best to help those around me that I can, but I’ve become much more reclusive than I once was. Part of that is because of the fact that Sir Joshimus and I have no intention on staying in this area forever (though it has turned from a couple of years into more like five) and it’s very hard to leave those you care about behind.
Another part of that is the struggles I’ve gone through in the past years. So many struggles and changes, so many new directions in my life and in my path. I’ve spent quite a lot of time getting to know my new Gods and learn what They expect and want of me. For a while it was only for me to know Them and to make the adjustments to my thinking and understanding – and I’m still working on that. But recently I’ve started receiving nudges to do something more. Part of that has come through in writing – a command that I’ve been under for years, even without realizing it. That would be my nudge from Brighid. Being of service to my community is the nudge I get from my Patrons, Danu and an’Dagda, and slowly I’m finding ways to make that happen. The videos are also Brighid’s hand, I think. But I know there is more to come, more that will be required of me. Manannan hasn’t yet told me what He requires of me, but watches me with that enigmatic smile that I’m beginning to recognize from Him and makes me smile back, even as it makes me uncomfortable for what is to come. And my most mysterious God, Lir, still has said nothing of what He wants from me. He says little, only reminding me from time to time of His presence. I don’t know which of those two make me more unsettled, but it’s a positive kind of thing. Don’t ask me how; I’m still trying to figure that out myself.
Even with the fact that I’m now being called to more, my statements Thursday still stands. Joy is still the heart of path. And I think part of what I’m being called to do is to bring joy. So that’s what I’ll try to do. Hearing from my father that watching my first video made him remember riding is what set it all off for me. I decided to keep making videos in the hope that I’m able to bring a part of that joy for me to others, even those outside my path and our Pagan community at large. And, in a way, isn’t that why I continue to write here? To share that despite the worst of the things we can face, we can find joy, if we search? I’d like to think so.