There are two things that have been constants in my life – constant loves, constant companions, constant passions that set my heart aflame. The written word and music. Even before I learned to read and read well, stories have drawn me. So I guess it isn’t just the written word. It’s words, strung together to build worlds and people them with characters that I want to spend time with. And there has always been both within me. My Granny tells me of when I was no more than a toddler. We’d sit on her back deck while my Pa napped and I’d tell her these elaborate stories – so elaborate that she would then ask my Momma if they really happened. And I can remember standing up on my parents hearth and singing to them – things like the theme song from my favorite cartoon show as a kid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (I’m a Mikey fan, for the record) And yeah, I used to actually have a tape of me singing that song at the top of my lungs from one of those awesome tape recorders that only an 80’s/90’s kid would remember.
When I went to college, I thought to follow my passion for music. And despite the fact that things didn’t turn out how I hoped, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The things I was involved with, the things I got to experience, fed a need in me and fulfilled me in a way that I have trouble putting into words. I didn’t grow up feeling like I was missing out on anything. I still don’t think I actually missed out, because I wouldn’t trade the wonderful memories from my childhood, even for other wonderful ones. But there are things I’d never done that I craved, things I’d never seen that I needed to see. But most importantly, it gave me the chance to share my voice. There are two things that give me the chance to let my spirit swell and spill out of the confines of my body, other than religious experience. One is singing – even if the only person hearing me is me. The other is writing. Not just sitting here, spilling words across the screen, actually giving life to the worlds and people in my mind.
I committed the one sin that is nearly unforgivable, to a woman who doesn’t believe in sin. I gave up on my dreams. I thought that there would never be another chance for me to let my voice shine for others and I thought that I would never finish a story well enough to find the courage to put it out there. Well, there is a chance that I will be able to do the first again, though I’m not ready to say more about it for now. But I have actually done the second. I finally found the right story at the right time. And I’ve finished it. All 31k words. And it’s fabulous. Okay, it’s still in draft form, but it’s the first time in 14 years that I’ve gotten a story completed. More, I still like it after finishing it. And you have no idea how big of a deal that is, since I find most of my stories trite after I come to a stop on them. And something that makes me even happier, is that even though this initial story has been told, there’s more. I’ve already started writing on the next part.
The best part of all of this is that I’ve started singing to myself again. Just singing, as loud as my voice wishes to carry. And I’m writing a story that I enjoy. It’s dark and it’s funny. There might be romance in it eventually, but the first story has a bit of sexual tension and a lot of self-discovery and some fun fighting. Simple. Love it. And through it, I feel connected to my Goddess, Brighid more than I have in a while. And that’s a beautiful thing, too.
Words have power. Words have had power for as long as we’ve had words. And our words hold the most power over ourselves. It is the most fabulous gift that the Gods have given us, whatever God(s) you believe in. Find your words, no matter how simple or complex.