So, as this has started off as one of the least appealing birthdays I’ve had in a while (had to have my Joshwa to work at 6:30 am and the best friend is working ALL day), I think now is the perfect time to tell you about a bright spot. This past March, my brother married a lovely woman and acquired two step-sons. The oldest is 16, so I’m not sure how their relationship is developing (what can I say, my brother lives more than 8 hours away, we don’t get to spend a lot of time together), but I can tell you without a doubt that my brother is as crazy about his younger stepson, and the feeling appears to be mutual. I love watching the two of them together – and I can’t blame him; after only a couple of days, I found myself falling for a spunky 6-year-old with an attitude bigger than he is. Seeing my little brother, whom I so adore, with his family warms my heart and brings happy tears to my eyes (thanks for that fun genetic trait, Momma).
But the other night, I was sitting here at the house, kind of vegging out and kind of obsessing with our budget (I’ve been checking it almost daily, lol) when my Momma called me and asked if I’d been on Facebook. I don’t spend tons of time on FB and when I do I feel like I’m coming off a binge, guilt and irritation included. So I tell her no, and she directs me to a video posted by newest sister-in-law. Why does this matter?
Because my sister-in-law is pregnant. My little brother is about to have his first (biological) child! Now, I won’t lie to you, I had no clue how to feel about it when I first heard. I was kind of numb. Of course, there were several other things that have come to a head in the same time and Aunt Flo was making a visit, so I was emotionally just exhausted. Now, being a big sister who loves her brother and takes pride in trying to be the best big sister I can, I felt awful that I wasn’t just overflowing with excitement and joy like I know most of our family was – especially my Momma.
But it was hard hearing that my sister-in-law was already pregnant, especially when I have been working to coming to a point in my life where I’m accepting our – at least currently – childless life as it is rather than obsessing over what can’t be. And I took a little time alone to cry. But then a realization occurred to me. I can be sad and grieve yet again my lost pregnancies and the ones that never came through, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it also doesn’t take away from my joy and excitement. And you know what? I’m ridiculously happy to welcome someone else to our family.
My little brother and his wife are having a baby! I have gobs of nieces and nephews, and every time I wonder at how surrounded we are by little ones and I can’t possibly love another child like I love those already in my life, I see one of their little face. And you know what? There it is, all the love I need for them.
So, I’m going to be an aunt. Again. I can’t wait to find out which team is getting added to, and to see that precious little child when they finally join us out here in the world. Congratulations, Bubba and Shannon. ♥