Today is day 6 and it’s easier than it was last time. I haven’t had a single cigarette – though there were a couple of times when we were helping Becca Thursday night and Friday that I really wanted one. But I haven’t been irritable, I haven’t been jumping out of my skin, none of the things that made quitting last time so stressful. I have even sat outside with Becca while she smoked and didn’t even get a twinge. I had not even thought about the fact that we had quit for the last couple of days. It’s such a relief for it to be so uneventful. And yet. ^_^ And yet, I want to jump up and shake my butt. I did shake it earlier when nobody was looking. ^_~
Small victories are what make things like quitting possible. That, and finding your reason to quit. Mine reason to quit (for those of you who have joined us more recently)? I want to have children. The desire for children is what has given me strength to quit – both times. It’s the ideal that I look to when things are difficult. It was the nagging voice in the back of my head every time I lit a cigarette in the last couple of months. I imagine what it will feel like when I finally get the BFP (big fat positive) and know that I’m carrying life within me, imagine what it will be like to carry that life and bring it into the world, imagine those little faces looking up at me – and I know that I cannot smoke.
Children of parents who smoke are more likely to smoke themselves. I don’t want my children to smoke. I don’t want them to develop a habit that could kill them. That killed my grandmother more than three decades after she quit. I want to teach my children to live healthier than I have, to be healthier than I have. So it’s easier to emulate those lifestyles now, when it’s just the two of us. Of course, it’s good to get the hubs used to the healthier eating before the kids get here – I don’t need my oldest child (*laughs*) complaining and teaching bad habits to my younger.
So that’s where we are. Doing well, hanging strong, and more hopeful than ever. And – as importantly – I’m at peace within myself again. I was in a very bad place recently over the smoking, but lacking the strength to quit while the hubs was still smoking (and therefore bringing cigarettes into the house). And I’m at peace again.
If you are struggling with an addiction, a light a candle for you. You can beat your addiction. Ignore those who tell you “most addicts cannot overcome their addictions” – you know that statistics. But let my voice be the one that stands out – someone believes you can do it.