Hello, darlings. I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve been here (just over a month!) and I’m sorry for that. We have a house guest – Bubba (Becca) – staying with us while she gets on her feet and she just recently started working again. I’ve been spending more time occupied in real life, so less time online in general. It’s actually been a nice little hiatus, but I’ve been feeling guilty, especially about missing Spiritual Saturdays, thinking it was showing a lack in my spiritual life. But I had a conversation with Bubba on the 4th (a great day, by the way!) that really touched off a bit of truth inside me.
You see, Bubba is in a way a “baby” Pagan. I’ve spoken before about her path and how she recently came into a deeper knowledge of her Patron God and Goddess through finding Their names. Well, in that time, she told me, she has felt less of a draw to actually learn rituals and the like – which is good as I’ve moved away from that model of worship, and it’s harder to explain something than to show it through practice. And she smiled when she told me this because “Cookie, I have what I need – They are with me no matter what I do.” I imagine this will change a bit with time – only because of my experience and the experience of those around me, we all go through phases of being hyper-active in our path and passive in our path according to our needs. And right now her needs are to find a new “normal”.
As she said this, we were sitting outside under the shade of our tree (the oak behind our apartment who has become a friend) while a breeze blew our hair and Joshwa played with the grill (we had some awesome steaks that night). I heard the song of our tree, felt the cooling brush of the wind – something that always speaks to my soul – and took in the wild beauty of the world around us and They spoke to me. They told me that this is the lesson They’ve been trying to teach me for a while now (and I’ve even written about it!) – that my every action is a spiritual action, my every moment is a spiritual moment, because lifeIS spiritual. There is no “spiritual world” and “real/physical world” – it’s all one world, you just have to be willing to recognize it as such. I feel peace in my daily life, without all the pomp and circumstance that I’ve been wanting to get away from. Why does there have to be more than that?
Isn’t that awesome? For the last month, I’ve done little more than spend time with my best friend (other than my husband) and my darling Joshwa. I’ve spent time outdoors – watching the rain, sitting in the breeze, justbeing. And it has beenWONDERFUL. I feel so centered in myself, even despite some backsliding we’ve done when it comes to smoking. Because I am at peace within myself, I am at peace with my Gods. I have my doubts from time to time (it’s that Baptist guilt, I’m sure ^_~), but just today, I was given another reminder.
Bubba left for work a little after 4pm, and I walked her out – well, was gonna lock the door behind her because she was running late and she nearly spilled coffee on herself, so I ended up outside. Standing there, I realized more storm clouds were rolling in (we’ve recently been getting some much-needed rain! woohoo!) and after she left, I went to the back porch were we’ve got a couple of chairs set up because of sitting outside. So I went out back – admittedly to smoke a cigarette – and watch the storm roll in. Even over the hum of air conditioners, I could hear the wind playing in the trees and I watched our tree dance the way only oaks seem to – a more stately dance the vibrant tossing dance of pines and the like. The clouds were beautifully mounded to the south and moving in and just ahead of them, the breeze took a decidedly chill turn, the way only certain storm breezes can this time of year, this far south. It was beautiful and in that moment I felt comforted in that way that tells me my Gods are with me.
I heard Their voices in the breeze telling me “See, you are not neglecting us, nor yourself. We are with you in all things.” And I couldn’t help but smile. So, for the first time in a month, I came in and sat down and was able to write without the shadow of doubt I’ve let linger over me. Today was a spiritual Saturday, because EVERY day is a spiritual day. I don’t have some great insight into the mechanics of spirituality or my faith in particular for you today, but that doesn’t mean I have nothing to talk about. Because I have beauty. And today I just want to remind you that you do, too.
I promise, I’m going to get back into this. I won’t leave you hanging for another month. But I’m definitely going to be spending more time like I’ve spent the last month – actually living my spirituality rather than constantly worrying over it and dissecting it (except for Spiritual Saturdays, of course). I suggest, if you haven’t, you try it, too. It’s easier than you could ever imagine.