Insomnia and a facelift

So, I got tired of the way the blog was looking.  I didn’t mind the background color, but I think I was just tired of the frilly girly stuff, and seeing the theme used by others (pregnant cousin – sis-in-law to new-mother cousin; and another friend who just started blogging).  That, and I’ve branded myself.  So what better way to celebrate SCL’s new image (and check out the image next to your address bar/on your tab) than a new theme?  And I discovered that I like the three-column layout better.  Granted, it’s not exactly what I want, but it’s better than several of the alternatives that I tried – if you were one of the three people who stumbled across me this morning and thought you were having an acid flashback, I do apologize.  Unfortunately, it seems the only way I will have it looking exactly how I want it to is to learn CSS.  I’m thinking about it, but I’m not ready to break my brain over it yet – I still have problems with HTML!

So, I did all of this last night and this morning.  Why?  Because I can’t freaking sleep.  I did manage to get a good five hours yesterday and a couple the day before.  But other than that, nothing.  Poor Joshwa was sleeping on the couch so I wasn’t by myself, but he gave in and went up to bed last night.  Not that I blame him!  It’s killing me, though.  I think part of it is stress/mild depression, though.  I’ve started my period.  After five weeks of having my hopes up, I’ve started. I had an appointment for the lady doctor for next week that I have to cancel (because you can’t go to the lady doctor bleeding).  When I told them I was worried about a miscarriage, they asked if I’d taken a pregnancy test – told them yes – and asked if I’d gotten a positive.  When I told them the pregnancy tests had all been negative, they said I wasn’t pregnant and it was likely I just hadn’t ovulated, so they wouldn’t see me sooner.

So I’m dealing with my body doing whatever the hell it’s doing, being told by medical professionals that it’s no big deal and I just need to have another check up.  Once again, I’m left empty, mourning, and wondering at my failings.  Which leads to more sleepless nights – as if I need any help, right? – which leads to bursts of strange creativity.  Once we get this computer upgraded and get the external drive enclosure (that I talked about last time) maybe I’ll be able to focus this manic, sleep-deprived creative energy to write again.  For now, I’m afraid to save anything to this computer because of how low the memory is.  Don’t want to over-tax it.

Let me know what you think of the new look.  I’m going to watch some “Reboot” with my Joshwa now that he’s awake again.  Oh, yes, I said “Reboot”, available on Netflix!  Thought they’ve only got the first two seasons (no grown up Enzo 😦 season three or the movies of season four), it’s still awesome.

Brightest blessing to you all, and pass a few my way, if you have some spares.

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