Happy Memorial Day – and a one year anniversary

First let me say, to all our troops throughout the last 230 odd years – those who gave their all and those who gave it all – THANK YOU!  And, as importantly, to their spouses and families, thank you for sharing the men and women that make your families whole so they can keep our families safe.  To those soldiers in my own family and who I grew up with, I am so proud that I can say that I know you and love you – well, most of you, some of you I just like enough to claim.  ^__^

Well, as for the one year anniversary.  Yep, it’s one year since we started trying to conceive and I started yesterday.  So, we’re on cycle 12.  And I was talking to a friend of mine – my best friend in high school and mother to two beautifully accidental boys – who told me some of the most aggravating things – “you’re just thinking about it too hard”.  Seriously?  That’s your advice to me?  Just because you got pregnant twice on accident doesn’t mean that your words are at all comforting to me, honey.  Did I tell her that?  Of course not, because she was my best friend – nearly my sister – four years.  Her oldest son is my godson.  So, no, I kept my mouth closed.  I’m mad at my mom right now – half pms, mostly just because it hurts to realize what I thought 20 years ago was right – my Momma prefers my little brother.  She drives to Texas at least once a month – eight hours away – while I am only three and a half hours away and I haven’t seen her but once since we moved-in in February and we are hoping we can go down for the fourth of July so that we can see them before Christmas or Thanksgiving.

And I know, I’m a grown woman and all that – hell, I’ve been out of my parents’ house four six years this July!  But when we were home for Christmas, all my Momma’s friends told me, repeatedly and often, that I needed to move back home to be with my Momma because she missed me.  But let’s be real.  If she missed me so much, why doesn’t she want to come see me more?  Why can’t it be one or the other?  Why can she and her friends make me feel like shit, but she drives out to see baby boy at least once a month, but doesn’t return the favor for me.  It hurts.  Especially since I’ve gotten zero support from her on trying to get pregnant.  I miss my Momma.  But I miss the Momma that was always there for me when she didn’t have to choose between me and baby boy.

I’m just tired and grouchy and tired.  I hope that all of you out there are having a better day than I am.  As always, brightest blessings to you all.

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