A little change of plans…

So, we went to North Carolina.  All the jobs that were listed online told us “oh, that’s already been filled”.  And the hubs hated it.  The city wasn’t even as big as it looks on paper (a lot of the places that we found online were actually closed).  Then, the unthinkable, our truck started overheating.  Like, hardcore, smoking after ten miles over heating. Apparently it was a problem that started with the thermostat for our radiator and progressed into a full-blown problem with the intake valve.  On top of all of this, the landlords we talked to wouldn’t accept that we could pay a deposit, first months rent and half of the second months rent (with the other half on it’s way).  So, we made an executive decision.  We left Murphy and came to Birmingham where my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew live.  We’re gonna stay with them a while and get jobs here (yeah, I’m probably going to have to work for a little while, but that’s okay to get our truck the full fix it needs) and maybe settle here.  Because when it comes down to it, I’m tired of moving.  I’m tired of pulling up roots and finding a new place – and I’ve only done it twice now!

I like being near my sister and – more importantly – my ten-year-old nephew.  It’s so hard to believe that he’s grown up so quick.  I like being closer to my Momma – and she’ll like being closer to her grandbabies.  And the hubs promises me that he’ll be happy so long as we are somewhere  that snows.  But I know that we have to find a place where we feel at home.  I didn’t feel it in Murphy.  I don’t feel it here.  Maybe I just need to give myself time.  I don’t know.  I don’t know what I need or want right now for forever.  I need some peace.  I need to feel like I belong.  I need the hubs to be happy.  I need to be happy.

But for now, I’d settle for having a place to worship.  I’d settle for feeling whole again.  We just arrived today, so I know I don’t need to push myself.  But there is so much to be done.

And I’m a week late.  I’ve taken two pregnancy tests and gotten two negatives.  But, I’m still a week late.  We’re gonna go to the health department tomorrow or Wednesday.  I’m hoping for a positive result.  I’d really like to be a mommy.  But, since I’ve gotten the two negative results, it’s hard to get my hopes up, even feeling ill and not starting like I am.  I think there’s something wrong with me and that it can’t be that I’m pregnant.  But I want to be.  So, we’ll see.  We’ll be staying with my sister for a while, so I’ll have some pretty good access to the internet for a while.  I’ll be able to keep you guys up-to-date.  Been a while since we’ve been able to do that, huh?

Well, for now, I’m going to sleep.  It’s been a stressful, emotional several days.  I just need to drone out for a while.  Night, my lovelies.

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