So, as I sit here with the windows open and the sun sliding through the clouds, I’ve come to realize that there is something that I will miss about Chicago. I will miss the intimate knowledge of the passing of the sun (tilting of the earth, I know) from summer to winter and back again. Back in Mississippi, the change is almost unseen. Here, you can watch the days grow shorter and longer. I can feel the light stretching itself further across the sky as we now approach midsummer and the Summer Solstice. It seems so strange, with how disconnected I feel from everything else here, that I feel so much more drawn to the ruling heavenly body of my star sign. Being a Leo has always affected my life – from impromptu “stage” shows on my Granny’s balcony or my parents’ hearth as a young child, to joining every choir in church during my church years, to being in every performance group in my high school my senior year, and culminating in my years in college as a music major. Unfortunately I was unable to complete those years, or you’d all know me as a stage performer. Of course, there is also the fierce lioness – or Mother Hen, as my friends would say – the fact that once you are someone who is loved, I will defend you until the end. Or until you push me so far away I can’t even save you from yourself. Always have these been aspects of my personality, and always have I known that it was due, in part at least, to my star sign and it’s ruling body, the Sun.
But now, when the sun can set anywhere from 4:30 to 9:00pm, I am more drawn to his movements, more aware. I fear that this awareness has come at the cost of my awareness of the Moon’s movements. I miss Her. She was my constant companion through high school and taught me most of my early lessons about the nature of the God and Goddess, and even some lessons about myself. While I will not willingly give up this solar awareness and simply go back to counting months, I long for the day when I regain my balance with the lunar side of life. I look forward to the day when I’m away from the false light of this city where darkest night is brighter than dusk and dawn and Her pale luminescence may once again be the brightest light in my sky!
I f eel nostalgic today. Maybe it is because my body knows that soon we will be able to get back into a normal rhythm, one where nature is a part of our every day…and doesn’t consist of one sick old tree and weeds. We have already almost completely withdrawn from this area socially. But now I’m emotionally and even spiritually withdrawing. Which is a relief, because no matter how hard I’ve fought it, I felt my spirituality melt away. I feared it had died and would need to be replanted. But I realize now, as I dream of a place of grass and trees, stars and darkness, that it didn’t die, but merely went into hibernation. We knew going into this move that Chicago was a temporary solution – though we had hoped to last out a little longer than we have – and I’m ready for this part of our journey to be over with. Two more months. There is a great peace in my heart to be able to say, two more months.